That's just how he/she/they are.

Let’s talk about one of the most innocuous phrases in the English language – 'that’s just him, that’s just how he is. Of course, we’ve all said this about others, and it’s been said about ourselves. But have you ever considered the impact of this phrase in the workplace? Have you ever thought that dependent on the circumstance, it may be a form of bias?

Hear me out but let’s get the definition of bias first.

Bias is a prejudice in favor of or against one thing, person, or group compared with another usually in a way that's considered to be unfair. Biases may be held by an individual, group, or institution and can have negative or positive consequences.

A few weeks ago, a former classmate, Helen, wanted to discuss an issue with two direct reports. Let’s call them Matt and Brian. She described a scenario where Matt sent an email to a senior stakeholder, including a few not funny and inappropriate jokes, before responding to the stakeholder’s request.

She was annoyed as it was not the first time Matt had done this. Though being excellent in his role, she would prefer he cut out his jokes. However, Helen ended her story with, “that’s just him, that’s just how he is.”

Helen then tells of a scenario where Brian was very loud during a meet and greet of senior internal and external stakeholders. Brian spoke too loudly in the office, and she would’ve preferred he kept this side of himself “to any other day but not today when the new external partners were present. I’m going to raise this with him in our next 1:1.” Helen had previously made comments about Brian being loud and his suspect attire at the office summer party.

I asked, “what about Matt? Are you going to talk to him as well?” “Why?”, she responded, “that’s just him; he was like this when I took the role.” My response to her, “I think you have a bias where Matt is concerned. If Matt is allowed to be 'that’s just how he is', then Brian should be allowed to have the same leeway.”

This conversation stayed with me and got me thinking about the many times I heard this phrase used in the workplace and whether it was a type of bias. How many times I, as a leader, had excused someone’s ‘thing’ vs admonishing another on their ‘thing’. And how and where had I learned which one to justify and which one not to excuse.

Over the last 18 months, as leaders, we’ve all undergone some form of bias training. We've been trained to identify, question, and call out unconscious bias. To look out for biases related to race, age, gender, gender identity, religion, sexual orientation, weight, and other characteristics. And I sometimes wonder whether we miss the ones we have as individuals amid an outward look for bias.

I know Helen quite well; she is confident, excellent at her craft, forthright, impeccably professionally dressed, and quiet. Many of these attributes are the opposite of Brian’s. During our conversation, we both admitted to making the mistake of seeing employees through our lens of what a good employee should look like and what success looks like. We all do it. When it becomes problematic, it is bias and possibly impacting your ability to lead. Helen held prejudice against someone based on her ideals within the workplace.

As a Black Woman, this scenario is also triggering for me, as being loud is one of the most used negative descriptors in the workplace. Brian could’ve easily been a Black Woman who is loud and dressed inappropriately. Of course, we need to acknowledge that dress codes exist in specific industries and organisations, and flout these isn’t the best of ideas.

The next time you hear or use the phrase, “that’s just how he/she/they are” at work, stop and think whether it’s related to bias.

Or, do you not agree with this premise? Tell us in the comments below.