Loyalty as a soft skill
In ethnic cultures and societies, children are taught to respect their elders. For example, to not give any ‘back chat’ and to have unsubstantiated deference to people who are older than yourself. We can debate the merits of this cultural happenstance through the lens of whether it’s right or wrong, but we - the children within those societies - follow these rules into adulthood. And, more applicably, into the workplace. It’s been my experience that this respect for elders manifests itself in the workplace in the relationships you have with your boss, specific types of loyalty to your boss/superior.
Why else would it feel like such a last resort to go over your boss’s head to his/her/their superior? Is it a similar sort of apprehension as a child going to your grandparents to complain? It was a risk. Did they love you enough to manage the complaint without calling your name? And how would your Mom, Dad, or parental figure feel when they found out that you ratted them out.
Additionally, psychologists have long examined our relationships with our bosses in parallel with the ones we have with our parents — a train of thought for another newsletter.
Let’s examine the following scenarios:
* A CFO meets with one of their direct reports, a senior finance manager (SFM), the COO, and two Director level senior leaders. The COO directly asks the CFO a question related to a supply chain issue and whether sufficient data was behind it. He expresses disbelief regarding the integrity of the data. Based on their current knowledge, the CFO assures him that the data is 60% right but will revert on the issue within an hour after the meeting. The CFO’s direct report, the SFM, then says, “Actually, I know for a fact that 100% of the data isn’t substantiated because I saw a report yesterday.” The COO turns to the CFO and says, “I told you so.”
* The CFO is in a meeting with the same direct report and two external third-party stakeholders. The meeting is to discuss and agree on a timeline for final invoice delivery on a project. One of the stakeholders asks the CFO whether the final invoices can be issued in the format used last year, as the design recently changed and was causing an internal issue. The CFO responds, “Leave this with me, we can try to change format manually, but if it causes significant time delays on our end, will you accept the new format?” He responds, “Yes, of course.” The SFM then says, “the reason why the format has changed is that we have a new system, and we’re not able to issue invoices in the old format.”
How would you have dealt with these scenarios? Do you see any issues with the timing of the response of the SFM? Take a minute to think before you continue reading. For context, the CFO is new to the business - 2 months into their role.
If the expression ‘throwing someone under the bus’ crossed your mind, this was my first thought as well. However, I invite you to look at these two scenarios from the view of loyalty or lack thereof. Again, I refer to the start of this newsletter, where I drew a parallel between respect for elders and loyalty. I don’t remember anyone during the early days of my career teaching or advising on the soft skill of loyalty in the workplace, but somehow, I know, you know, we all know not to show up our bosses at work, and I believe it also has to do with how I was raised.
What conversations would you have with this direct report? How would you have handled this? Well, what not to do is to have a conversation with him/her/they about their timing around speaking the truth or withholding the truth. Asking, suggesting, or insinuating that the truth be withheld can be misconstrued and possibly lead to flouting the Company’s compliance rules—namely, your Company’s whistleblower policies.
However, a conversation around the importance of having a united front, appearing as a team, and the merits of business alignment is a much better approach. Also, being vulnerable to the direct report is another approach. Brene Brown describes vulnerability as a sign of strong leadership; taking action when there is “uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure.” As a new leader in the organisation, the CFO can have a conversation around needing the direct report’s support in helping them successfully land in this new role. By making the direct report part of the process, hopefully, they can see the merits in the timing of their input in the future.
Thoughts?
This post was originally published on November 16th, 2021.